Ever heard of The Editing Room? No? Then you’re missing out on lots of laughter. Which burns calories. So you can’t complain about being a fatty if you’re not laughing enough. Or if you order two racks of ribs with a Diet Coke on the side. Seriously, man, you’re not fooling anyone.
For the unaware, The Editing Room is a website run by Rod Hilton (no relation to porn star Paris) where he writes abridged screenplays for the latest Hollywood atrocities and points out all of their flaws. Don’t worry: He’s much funnier than I am.
So here I am to direct you to The Editing Room’s latest masterpiece, The Happening. Hopefully you’ll shed some poundage in the process.
Here’s how things begin:
EXT. NEW YORK CITY – PARK
People walk around in the PARK while two unimportant characters have INANE DIALOGUE.
BORING CHARACTER 1
That was weird. Suddenly all of the people in this park stopped dead in their tracks and started acting like brainless robots.
BORING CHARACTER 2
Large groups of people behaving as though they have no personality whatsoever? That can only mean …
BORING CHARACTER 1
Oh shit, we’re in an M. Night Shyamalan movie!
They both KILL THEMSELVES.
An M. Night Shyamalan movie! Our careers will be ruined!
EVERYONE ELSE kills themselves as well.
INT. PHILADELPHIA – CLASSROOM
MARK WAHLBERG teaches SCIENCE to a classroom full of middle school students. It’s exactly as believable as it sounds.
You can read the rest of it at Cracked.com, where Rod filled in as a guest columist.
I really wish I’d found this in time to share it on Friday the 13th. It seems fitting.
This video, really, is the reason YouTube was invented.
I made it through the entire day yesterday without posting a picture of Jason Voorhees on the blog. You’re welcome.
Reading Arbogast on Film, I learned of The Moon is a Dead World’s Vampire Blog-A-Thon. And since Zombie vs. Shark is a relatively new blog, I figured the best way to get the ZvS name out there would be to participate is some of these more well-known horror bloggers’ blog-a-thons.
So while researching vampire films, trying to come up with something a little out-of-the-ordinary, I did a simple search of “Vampire Films” on Wikipedia. And in reading the “history” section of the article, I came upon this information:
The earliest cinematic vampires in such films as The Vampire (1913), directed by Robert G. Vignola, were in reality ‘vamps’. These femme fatales derive from a poem called “The Vampire” (1897) by Rudyard Kipling inspired, in turn, by a painting of a female vampire by Philip Burne-Jones (also 1897).
That painting you can see at the top left-hand corner of this post, and reading this inspired me to hunt down the Kipling poem that was mentioned (and I do love that the guy responsible for The Jungle Book wrote about vampires as well) which you can find below.
This doesn’t count as my official entry into the Blood-Sucking-Blog-A-Thon, of course, since this is more copying-and-pasting than anything, but reading over that Wiki entry did give me a couple of ideas. And while I did watch a movie yesterday, Black Sunday, that hinted at vampirism, I think it kind of abandoned the concept at about 2 minutes into the movie, so I’ll have to do something else (and don’t worry, I’ve got something in mind).