I’ve really tried to stay a fan and a defender of M. Night Shyamalan, even after he cast himself as the most important writer in the world. But now, I kind of hate him. And it’s not because he’s made a really, really bad movie. But it’s because he’s egotistical enough to think that he’s made the gawddang Citizen Kane of B-movies.
From his self-fellating interview with CNN:
Shyamalan: No. 1, it’s a B movie. This is the best B movie you will ever see, that’s it. That’s what this is. If there’s other things that stick to your ribs as you walk out, that’s great, but it’s supposed to be, you know, zombies eating flesh.
CNN: So when you say B, you don’t mean honeybee?
Shyamalan: No, I meant like, you know, zombies and killer things running around.
M. Night Shyamalan is the biggest douchebag you will ever see, that’s it.
And if only this movie were anything like a zombie movie. Slow-moving, flesh eating, undead corpses are a lot scarier and are going to make me want run a lot faster than, uh… the wind. “Oh my gah, the wind is blowing, run inside!” (Note: this is an actual scene from The Happening.) Outrun the wind?! Are you kidding? Why don’t we just somersault over raindrops while we’re at it?
Also, CNN, were you serious about that honeybee comment? If so, then you’re an idiot and should never even be able to mention the word “movie” in conversation again. Then again, a film about honeybees would probably be better than The Happening. In fact…