I guess this is some sort of new internet sensation that I was somehow unaware of until DJ pointed it out to me.  Where have I been to have missed something as awesome as this.  Not that you’ll need anymore convincing to watch it (I’m sure I had you at “Barackula: The Musical“) but here’s the official synopsis:

Barackula is a short political horror rock musical about young Barack Obama having to stave off a secret society of vampires at Harvard when he was inducted into presidency at the Harvard Law Review in 1990. Obama (Justin Sherman) finds that he must convince the vampire society that opposing political philosophies can coexist or else the society may transform Obama to the dark side. Reminiscent to Michael Jackson’s Thriller, and a slight infusion of Jesus Christ Superstar, this short film offers two original musical numbers, “Running” and “This Is Our Time,” which, lyrically, are allegorical to Obama’s current campaign and speeches. The film solely depicts Obama’s strengths, merits and genuineness while being quietly respectful towards the other presidential candidates.

Since I’m a fan of rock operas, vampires, and Barack Obama, the very existence of this video is sort of a win-win… um, -win situation.

You can watch the film in its entirety in awesome hi-def at its official website or if you’re too lazy to click a link, you can watch the craptackula YouTube version after the jump (which still involves clicking a link, I guess).

We haven’t heard much about Rob Zombie’s Tyrannosaurus Rex (I keep forgetting how to spell that; 11-year-old me would be ashamed) in a while, but when Zombie released the awesome promo poster on his MySpace a couple of days ago, everyone started talking about the movie again. And nobody really knows anything about the movie (except, I assume, Zombie).

Zombie’s been keeping very hush-hush on this one. Probably because he was very open about his involvement with Halloween and, well, everyone hated it. But maybe it’s just because nothing’s really happened with the movie yet. But that don’t stop us internet nerds from speculating!

From QuietEarth:

[I]t’s about a wrestler named Tyrannosaurus Rex who is on the run from a biker gang from hell. The idea for the film is loosely based on the comic book Zombie did with Steve Niles (30 Days of Night) entitled THE NAIL.” Here’s the synopsis for the comic Hunted in one of the most desolate regions of America, preyed upon by an evil that does not sleep, Rex Hauser is The Nail – and it’s time he took a stand. A semi-pro wrestler, Hauser has been touring the country performing at small-time arenas until the fateful night he and his family run afoul of a bloodthirsty gang of Satanic bikers stalking the North Dakota Badlands. Now he’s a lone man fighting for the survival of his loved ones in a no-holds-barred standoff against the forces of Hell itself! The Nail is a relentless, unflinching portrait of the heart of darkness, and what one man will sacrifice to hold it at bay.

That sounds pretty badass, so I hope it’s true. BUT IS IT?!

Here’s Steve Niles himself on the matter (via Bloody-Disgusting):

“I’ve been getting a lot of calls and mail about Rob Zombie’s new project, Tyrannosaurus Rex,” NIles writes on his blog. “People seem to be under the impression that Rob is doing The Nail and cutting me out. This is not true. Not only is T-Rex a different story, but also Rob is 100% owner of The Nail and is welcome to cherry pick anything he wants. It’s his concept. I was just along for the ride.”

So it’s not The Nail but it might be The Nail? I dunno. I’ll still do some movie nerd speulatin’ of my own and go ahead and cast those three peoples on the poster! Ready?!

I’m really just sort of pulling these out of left field, ya know?  Especially that chick on the right.

I just read about this flick yesterday in the latest issue of Rue Morgue Magazine and lo and behold, today I find the trailer in my Google Reader (naturally, at the Rue Morgue blog, Abattoir). This, apparently, is like the first gore movie to come out of our friends in Pakistan.

The movie is being screened at The Bloor tonight at 9:30. Unfortunately, The Bloor is in Canada. It’s times like this that I wish I was a Canuck. And also when I can’t go to the doctor to treat a massive head wound brought on by zombie attacks because I don’t have health insurance (Medicare, of course, doesn’t cover zombie attacks). Thanks, America!

Luckily, it’s going to be released on DVD next week.

Pakistan s first splatter flick in the tradition of Friday the 13th and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre delivers spine-tingling thrills when an attractive group of teens pile into a van that runs out of gas in the middle of a dark mysterious forest. Their ghoulish nightmare begins when rotting fresh-eating zombies and a decapitated head-toting screaming banshee-like hitchhiker begin to terrorize them at every turn. But when a mysterious figure dressed in a blood-drenched burqa appears sporting a medieval weapon dripping in gore even the teens prayers won t save them from a night of savage demented horror.

Good looking teens run out of gas in the middle of nowhere? I’d make a crack about how unoriginal that sounds, but the synopsis saved itself with “blood-drenched burqa.” I’m all in.

I’ve really tried to stay a fan and a defender of M. Night Shyamalan, even after he cast himself as the most important writer in the world.  But now, I kind of hate him.  And it’s not because he’s made a really, really bad movie.  But it’s because he’s egotistical enough to think that he’s made the gawddang Citizen Kane of B-movies.

From his self-fellating interview with CNN:

Shyamalan: No. 1, it’s a B movie. This is the best B movie you will ever see, that’s it. That’s what this is. If there’s other things that stick to your ribs as you walk out, that’s great, but it’s supposed to be, you know, zombies eating flesh.

CNN: So when you say B, you don’t mean honeybee?

Shyamalan: No, I meant like, you know, zombies and killer things running around.

M. Night Shyamalan is the biggest douchebag you will ever see, that’s it.

And if only this movie were anything like a zombie movie.  Slow-moving, flesh eating, undead corpses are a lot scarier and are going to make me want run a lot faster than, uh… the wind.  “Oh my gah, the wind is blowing, run inside!” (Note: this is an actual scene from The Happening.)  Outrun the wind?!  Are you kidding?  Why don’t we just somersault over raindrops while we’re at it?

Also, CNN, were you serious about that honeybee comment?  If so, then you’re an idiot and should never even be able to mention the word “movie” in conversation again.  Then again, a film about honeybees would probably be better than The Happening.  In fact…

…for your mom. Zing!

I’m sorry. That was uncalled for. This movie’s got enough problems without me resorting to wiener jokes. I haven’t actually seen Midnight Meat Train, but then, neither has hardly anyone else. But it looks awesome, word on the street is that it’s awesome, it’s from the brain of Clive Barker and it was directed by the guy responsible for this. And this. So naturally, I might physically die if I don’t get to see this movie. Cliver Barker feels my pain:

My Dear Friends,

As you may or may not have heard, due to certain politics, “Midnight Meat Train” is in danger of Lionsgate not giving it a wide release. The below email was brought to my attention earlier today and shows a movement, of sorts, in order to get the picture the proper support and release it deserves. I’m asking you to please help spread the word in order for all to enjoy this film. I want to passionately encourage everybody who cares about my work to use this chance to change the minds of the folks at Lionsgate. I’m excited at the prospect of a movement of people who care deeply enough to initiate a campaign such as this.

Anything any of you can do – be it emails, web postings, word of mouth, and the like – to help encourage this movement would be deeply appreciated. The film is worth the effort in my mind, and I do not want to see my work fall by the wayside.

If any of you have any further ideas, thoughts, or suggestions to help with this effort, please let me know.

Thanks, as always, for your help and support.

Much Love,
Clive

I’m going to go ahead and put that e-mail that Clive mentioned after the jump, because it’s a long one.

(That’s what she said. Two for two!)

Yay for grammar!

OPEN LETTER TO ALL HORROR FANS:

WE NEED TO START A VIRAL CAMPAIGN TO GET THIS MOVIE A WIDER RELEASE!!!

A very reliable SOURCE from within Lionsgate has told me that the decision to dump Midnight Meat Train in as few as 100 screens and then rush the film to DVD is based purely on INTERNAL POLITICS.

Something along the lines of: the new head honcho does not like the old head honcho so he is deliberately dumping all of his films out of spite and malice.

But there is HOPE. The only thing that overrides backstabbing politics in Hollywood is PURE GREED. It is clearly not healthy for investor relations to dump a movie that has a vocal and dedicated audience. Midnight Meat Train represents the kind of horror film that audiences have been dying for!!!

There is growing internal pressure within the company for a wider release of this film and PUBLIC FAN PRESSURE may help to push this decision over the edge.

If you wish to see MIDNIGHT MEAT TRAIN in all its big screen glory at a THEATER near you, please do the following:

Cut and paste the message at the bottom of this post and e-mail it to:

1) investor relations at Lionsgate: keasterling@lionsgate.com

2) Lionsgate: general-inquiries@lionsgate.com

3) call Lionsgate at (310) 449-9200 and express your desire to see MIDNIGHT MEAT TRAIN get the release it deserves.

BE POLITE AND PROFESSIONAL! We do not want to piss them off, just want them to know how many fans out there would like to shell out their hard earned cash to see the most groundbreaking horror film of the past ten years in a real movie theater!

4) SEND THIS E-MAIL TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW!!!

WE HAVE WAITED TOO LONG FOR THIS MOVIE TO LET IT GO STRAIGHT TO DVD!!!

Post this message everywhere, send it to your horror friends and spread the word! We need to act FAST to have an effect!!!

And LONG LIVE THE MEAT!!

Whoa, did he just say “long live the meat?” I’m totally getting that tattooed across my face as we speak. In all seriousness, it’d be pretty kick ass if the fans really did start making a movement and got this movie into more than the measly 100 theaters that Lion’s Gate is wanting to stick it with. Most awesome about that is that, unless it gets a wide release, ol’ Justin here won’t be able to see it until it hits DVD. So do this for me.

HERE’S A SAMPLE MESSAGE FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE (or feel free to compose your own):

Dear Lionsgate,

As a long time Clive Barker fan, I am writing you to express my strong desire to see “The Midnight Meat Train” on the big screen.

Rumors are currently circulating that the film will only be released on a limited basis and I am very concerned that I will miss my opportunity to see the most highly anticipated Clive Barker film in over a decade in all of its big screen glory!

There are millions of horror fans like myself who have been disappointed by the recent trend towards watered down PG-13 horror movies. Clive’s work represents a return to serious, thought provoking horror movies and with Ryuhei Kitamura at the helm, I am even more excited to experience this collaboration as it was intended: in a packed theater with hundreds of other horror fans like myself!

I urge you to please give this film the release it deserves!

Many thanks,
YOUR NAME

I have to say that when I read the news earlier tonight that Stan Winston had died at the all-too-young age of 62, I was shocked. Literally shocked. I must’ve looked like an idiot as I sat in P.F. Chang’s, reading the news on my cellphone, with my mouth hanging wide open. Stan Winston? Dead? It couldn’t be.

Unfortunately, it was true.

Just earlier this week, I was watching one of Winston’s earlier efforts, Dead & Buried, and was amazed by his work in that, even more so once I watched the (pretty lengthy) interview with the man in which he talked about the ol’ hypo-in-the-eyeball scene which was filmed entirely using a puppet. The fact that I never knew that a puppet was in the scene tells you how good this man’s work was, even that early in his career.

A lot of folks grew up amazed by the work of folks like Lon Chaney and Tom Savini and while I do and always will appreciate the work of those guys, I didn’t grow up in the era of their groundbreaking films. It was Stan Winston who first caught my imagination.

Terminator 2 was the first movie that I ever saw that made me wonder “How did they do that?” I was nine-years-old and my obsession with movies — especially those involving the fantastic — has steadily grown ever since. Two years after T2, Jurassic Park was unleashed on 11-year-old me. What could be cooler to an 11-year-old boy than to see real, breathing dinosaurs brought to life? Nothing, that’s what. And I have Stan Winston to thank for that.

In addition to T2 and Jurassic Park, Winston had a hand in some of my all-time favorite movies. Aliens. The Monster Squad. Predator. The Thing. Edward Scissorhands. This guy, really, is responsible for my love of cinema more than just about any other person on the planet, and it’s a shame we won’t be getting any more Stan Winston magic in the future.

1946-2008

A while back, I posted a trailer for the upcoming French horror flick, Martyrs. And it was awesome. And now… uh… it’s gone. Luckily, Twitch has saved the day by posting two official teaser trailers for the movie. And while they don’t show nearly as much as the previous trailer did (which I think was actually a Cannes sales reel), they’re still pretty intense.

Normally, I’d try to make a witty and/or funny comment right now (probably at the expense of the French) but it’s been a long, exhausting day, and I’m just too tired to be clever. I apologize to you, my adoring fans.

Oh yeah. The trailer.

Well, since WordPress doesn’t like me posting Twitch’s videos, I’ll have to direct you to the fine folks at ShockTillYouDrop, where I first saw these teasers. Enjoy!

Get it? Corny. You see, because this story’s about a remake of Children of the Corn! Man, I’m funny.

So yeah. That’s pretty much all of the significant news on the subject. They’re remaking Children of the Corn and my feelings are… apathetic.

I mean, it’s Children of the Corn, so who cares? The original is an okay horror movie, but I don’t think it’s topping anyone’s favorite movies lists. Unless there’s a guy out there who’s only seen two movies: Children of the Corn and Meet the Spartans.

So whatever. Remake it. I don’t care. I’m tired of getting pissed over remakes. Besides, this is a movie that might even benefit from being remade. It’s not like it’s a remake ofCreature from the Black Lagoon or something. And hopefully, this’ll wash the taste of all 18 of the Children of the Corn sequels out of my mouth*.

And Bloody-D says that a guy named Donald P. Borchers is going to be behind the lens. His IMDb shows that he’s mostly a producer and has been one of the guys behind The Beastmaster (yay!) and, well, Children of the Corn. He’s also directed two movies that I’ve never heard of. Let the apathy continue…

LIFE-CHANGING UPDATE: This is being made as a Sci-Fi Channel premiere.  Which means that, most likely, I’ll forget that it exists and will never, ever watch it.

*Literally. I ate them. They made better snacks than movies, really.

For those that ain’t in the know like yours truly, there’s a remake of Roger Corman’s Death Race 2000 coming out this year from cinematic maestro Paul W.S. Anderson (Alien vs. Predator, Resident Evil) called simply… Death Race.  I guess tacking a “2000″ on the end of something to make it sound cooler is just so last year.

Anyways, Death Race looks like pretty much every other P.W.S. Anderson movie: Like it’s going to be terrible, but not terrible enough to offend me as a human being and want to claw my eyeballs out with a spork.  (That’s Uwe Boll’s job*.)

I might see it just because Jason Statham’s in it and I have a man crush on him.  It also helps that Ian McShane is hanging out in front of the cameras, though it looks like he’s kind of slumming it, doesn’t it?  And let’s not get started on Joan Allen.  She must be in debt to the mob or something.  The mob of SUCK.  Zing!

If you don’t like the crappy YouTube quality of the clip above, you can watch it over at Yahoo! Movies in whatever crappy looking format they’re using over in that neck of the woods.

For kicks, a much better trailer after the jump.

[Both trailers via the always awesome Gnolad]

*The offending is his job, not the actual spork eye-gouging.  Though I’m sure he’d be up for it.  Crazy fucker.

…and it gets a reaction from me in the form of “Meh.” It doesn’t even look like an Alexandre Aja movie. Say what you will about Haute Tension or The Hills Have Eyes. Both of those flicks have their flaws, but at least they’ve got a great visual flourish. This one doesn’t have that grittiness to it. But then, we don’t see a whole lot in this trailer.

But we DO get to see Jack Bauer become, apparently, Sloth from The Goonies.

Am I right?